the results are in...

It's been awhile. After a brief self-imposed hiatus to clear the looming piles of information, trivia and general nonsense that have been gathering around, I am pleased to announce the results.

I have gathered all the data, dusted them off with my Swiffer duster (it tickled), run them through the para-strombolyc filters (trippy), sorted them by colour (tedious), processed them through the Green Light Phase-Shifter Modular Stack to ensure accuracy and arranged them so that the shiny sides faced out. So without any further ah-do...

• 2% of you have admitted that flossing alone will not remove hair caught between your teeth.

• 4% have indicated that touching your toes during sex is considered a gift.

• 16% would like to touch 'something' during sex.

• 23% have said that a beaver is a symbol of freedom from a male dominated society.

• 27% did not understand the question, indicating they have eaten beaver and do not know what all the fuss is about.

• 48% are afraid that they might miss the Second Coming while watching American Idol.

• 69% of the respondents would like a cure for virginity

• 99% of the polled would like me to update this thing.

Note: as always, a +/- 2% accuracy must be taken into consideration.